Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Probably TMI, but oh well-

I haven't blogged in a long time, like a really, really, really long time!

My husband is working night right now but going back to days on Sunday (YAY). I experience what I call, the curse of the graves. From the time Emma was like 14 months old my husband worked graves for 4 years. He had a crazy schedule that was 2 days on, 2 days off. Anyways, the kids were only bad, throw up, get poop everywhere, have an accident, be sick, get hurt, refuse to sleep (you get my point) on nights that he worked! Needless to say, I've been struggling.

In the midst of him working nights, we've been in this 6+ month process of buying a house! CRAZY! I'm sure you won't want my LONG story, but we are waiting on a loan, the house we wanted listing expired, sellers decided to just rent it, so we are renting it while waiting on our loan... It has been a NIGHTMARE. I told Brad that if we won't get the house I won't be upset about the house (although I do love it) but upset that we have to move AND house hunt again! Fingers crossed it all goes through. We found out today that we should be getting the loan in 3 to 4 weeks. We thought we were 5 or more weeks out, so we'll see.

*I swear I've posted about this issue before, but I can not find any posts, so I'll just post the whole thing!
Other news of today, the whole reason why I decided to blog at 3 am... 13 YEARS ago I sat in a doctor's office and told him how having sex with my husband hurt. His response, "But it isn't actually hurting (harming) your body, so you are fine." I told doctor #2, and #3 the same thing. I recall doctor #4 laughing as I physically freaked out over the anxiety I was having because I knew his exam was going to hurt! Yes, he laughed and said, "Your butt is levitating off the table!"

It wasn't until I was seeing James for the second time that the topic came up and he stressed how it wasn't normal and I should look into what was wrong. At the time, and many years following, we didn't have health insurance. So, I did some research online and concluded that I must have Vaginismus. I found ways to help with it and it has helped. Yet, I still had never talked to a doctor about this problem!

Recently Brad told me I really should talk to my doctor about this. Have I mentioned that I LOVE my OB-Gyn? I begged doc #4 for a hysterectomy and he refused. My first appointment with doctor #5 (my current one) he looks at my chart and my medical history and says Okay! Today I walk into his office, explain that having intercourse with my husband hurts and always has. The first thing out of his mouth, "Tell me about your sexual experiences. Were you sexually abused?" Me, "Yes, I was as a teenager." Doc, "You have what is called Vaginismus." My husband said I got the biggest smile and sigh of relief when he said that! 13 years, it took 13 years and 5 doctors to finally diagnose it! I also appreciated that he physically checked to see if there could be something else causing pain and pinpointed exactly where the pain was. He was so helpful. We even discussed if I needed additional counseling since the Vaginismus stems from the sexual abuse. Honestly, I'm 100% fine, with the exception of the Vaginismus. I told him, mentally I'm fine, I just need to figure out how to make my body understand it's okay. He talked about how I need to re-train my brain. Seriously, it was such a great doctors appointment.

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