Addiction

Tonight while scrolling through Facebook I saw that Bishop W had posted a link called "The horrors of addiction".

Before looking at the link I thought of a few things. First back when Bishop W was my bishop and I struggled with cutting (11 years ago). Before I ever cut Sister Parker told me that cutting and self harm was addictive. I thought "Whatever. How could that be addictive?" Let me tell you, it was. I felt much like the bird in this video. You do it and you get this release you've been longing for. You come off it and feel fine. Then you do it again and again. The more you do it the release seems shorter and coming off seems harder. It was a big turning point in my life when I decided to stop and moved out.

Something else it made me think of and has been on my mind lately is anti-depressants. Sister Parker also told me that anti-depressants were addictive. Because of that I was adamantly against them. Now, even though I looked up to Sister Parker and she was always there for me, she isn't a doctor. Anytime the topic of me suffering from depression came up, I refused to even think about taking a medication for it. I feared if I did I would become numb and that if I tried to stop taking them I wouldn't be able to because I would be addicted.

Thanks to the support from my Depression support group I was able to look past these ideas in my head and give the anti-depressant a shot. It has been 9 months now of some ups and downs, but I am happily on the right dosage and don't have any horrible side effects. It feels so amazing for once to feel NORMAL. I can sleep normal hours, I have more patience, I have more energy, I actually have the desire to be productive and not sleep all day!

There is a big difference in a addictive behavior or substance  like drugs and a medication designed to help deal with an illness. I also don't try to rely on the medication 100%. I go to my support group, I do the homework I'm supposed to from there, I exercise like my doctor recommended, and I do everything in my power to try to help it as much as I can.

(video here- The Horrors of Addiction)