What is a Flashback?
Flashbacks are memories of past traumas. They can take on the form of pictures, sounds, smells, body sensations, feelings or the lack of them (feeling numb). Many times there is no actual visual or auditory (such as sounds) associated with the memory. Someone having a flashback may have the sense of panic, being trapped, or feeling powerless but with no memory stimulating it. These experiences can also happen at night in dreams.
As a child or adolescent we had to protect ourselves from the emotional and physical horrors of the trauma, so in order to survive, that insulated child remained isolated, unable to express the feelings and thoughts of that time. It is as though we put that part of ourselves away, and it comes back out in the present, whether we choose it to or not.
When that part comes out, the little one is experiencing the past as if it were happening today. As the flashback occurs, it is as if we forget that we have an adult part available to us for reassurance, protection and grounding. The intense feelings and body sensations are frightening because the feelings and sensations are not related to the reality of the present and many times seem to come from nowhere.
We can begin to think we are crazy and afraid of telling anyone (including any therapists or counsellors we may be seeing) of these experiences. We feel out of control and instead completely controlled by our experiences.
We may begin to avoid the situations and things that we think triggered it. Many times flashbacks occur during any form of sexual intimacy, or it may be a person who has similar characteristics to the perpetrator, or it may be a situation today that stirs up similar trapped feelings such as confronting aggressive people.
If you are feeling small or are experiencing stronger feelings than a present situation calls for, it is likely you are experiencing a flashback.
Coping with Flashbacks
- Tell yourself that you are having a flashback.
- Remind yourself that the worst is over. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are memories of the past. The actual event took place in the past and you survived. Now it is time to let out that terror, rage, hurt and panic. Now is the time to honour your experience.
- Get grounded. This means stamping your feet on the ground so that the little one knows you have feet and can get away if you need to. (If the trauma occurred as a child you felt you couldn't get away, but now you can.)
- Breathe! When we get scared we stop normal breathing. As a result, our body begins to panic from the lack of oxygen. Lack of oxygen in itself causes a great deal of panicky feelings, including pounding in the head, tightness, sweating, feeling faint, shakiness, dizziness. When we breathe deeply enough a lot of the panicky feelings can decrease. Breathing deeply means putting your hand on your diaphragm and breathing deeply enough so that your diaphragm pushes against your hand and then exhaling so that the diaphragm goes in. You can practice this when you are not having a flashback.
- Reorient to the present. Begin to use your five senses in the present. Look around and see the colours in the room, the shapes of things, the people near, etc. Listen to the sounds around you; your breathing, traffic, birds, people, cars. Feel your body and what is touching it, your clothes, your own arms and hands, the chair or floor supporting you.
- Speak to the little one and reassure him or her. It is very healing to get your adult in the now, that you can get out if you need to, that it is okay to feel the feelings of long ago without reprisal. The child needs to know that it is safe to experience the feelings and sensations and let go of the past.
- Get in touch with your needs for boundaries. Sometimes when we are having a flashback we lose the sense of where we leave off and the world begins; as if we do not have skin. Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a pillow or stuffed animal, go to bed, sit in a closet. Use any way that you can to allow yourself to feel truly protected from the outside.
- Get support. Depending on your situation, you may need to be alone or may want someone near you. In either case, it is important that your close ones know about flashbacks so they can help with the process, whether that means letting you be by yourself or by being there with you.
- Take time to recover. Sometimes flashbacks are very powerful. Give yourself the time to make the transition from this powerful experience. Don't expect yourself to jump into adult activities right away. Take a nap, or a warm bath, or some quiet time. Do not beat yourself up for having a flashback. Appreciate how much your little one went through. . . .
- Honour your experience. Appreciate yourself for having survived that horrible time, however long ago it happened. Respect your body's need to experience those feelings that may have been repressed until now.
- Be patient. It takes time to heal the past. It takes time to learn appropriate ways of taking care of yourself, of being an adult who has feelings, and developing effective ways of coping in the here and now.
- Find a competent therapist/counsellor. Look for one who understands the processes of healing from the particular issues you have faced. A therapist can be a guide, a support, a coach in this healing process. You do not have to do it alone . . . ever again.
- Join a self-help group. Survivors are wonderful allies in this process of healing. It is a healing thing to share your process with others who understand so deeply what you are going through.
- Know you are not crazy - you are healing!
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