Thursday, July 20, 2017

Hard Things

I've been meaning to post this for a while now and kept forgetting. Almost 2 months ago a sister in my ward bore her testimony and I knew I needed to blog it. It was so insightful, enlightening and inspirational.

The youth in our ward were about to go on a pioneer trek. She shared that her teenaged son didn't want to go. She told him that he needed to and she knew he would love it in the end and have a spiritual experience. She said how Heavenly Father does the same thing to us. He puts us in situations that we don't want to do something, because He knows that in the end we will be grateful for it and will have had a spiritual experience.

I had never thought of that before. She put it so beautifully. I'm sure my post isn't doing it justice.

Monday, July 10, 2017


We have been busy moving and then summer happened! I love my kids, but them being in school is my sanity! Having them home and whining and fighting and wanting to be entertained 24/7 is rough!

Anyways, come fall I will have all my kids in school ALL day! Oh my goodness, I can't wait. I promise to try harder to post more come fall! So, on with my post. I am going to add a video to our Youtube channel soon!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Probably TMI, but oh well-

I haven't blogged in a long time, like a really, really, really long time!

My husband is working night right now but going back to days on Sunday (YAY). I experience what I call, the curse of the graves. From the time Emma was like 14 months old my husband worked graves for 4 years. He had a crazy schedule that was 2 days on, 2 days off. Anyways, the kids were only bad, throw up, get poop everywhere, have an accident, be sick, get hurt, refuse to sleep (you get my point) on nights that he worked! Needless to say, I've been struggling.

In the midst of him working nights, we've been in this 6+ month process of buying a house! CRAZY! I'm sure you won't want my LONG story, but we are waiting on a loan, the house we wanted listing expired, sellers decided to just rent it, so we are renting it while waiting on our loan... It has been a NIGHTMARE. I told Brad that if we won't get the house I won't be upset about the house (although I do love it) but upset that we have to move AND house hunt again! Fingers crossed it all goes through. We found out today that we should be getting the loan in 3 to 4 weeks. We thought we were 5 or more weeks out, so we'll see.

*I swear I've posted about this issue before, but I can not find any posts, so I'll just post the whole thing!
Other news of today, the whole reason why I decided to blog at 3 am... 13 YEARS ago I sat in a doctor's office and told him how having sex with my husband hurt. His response, "But it isn't actually hurting (harming) your body, so you are fine." I told doctor #2, and #3 the same thing. I recall doctor #4 laughing as I physically freaked out over the anxiety I was having because I knew his exam was going to hurt! Yes, he laughed and said, "Your butt is levitating off the table!"

It wasn't until I was seeing James for the second time that the topic came up and he stressed how it wasn't normal and I should look into what was wrong. At the time, and many years following, we didn't have health insurance. So, I did some research online and concluded that I must have Vaginismus. I found ways to help with it and it has helped. Yet, I still had never talked to a doctor about this problem!

Recently Brad told me I really should talk to my doctor about this. Have I mentioned that I LOVE my OB-Gyn? I begged doc #4 for a hysterectomy and he refused. My first appointment with doctor #5 (my current one) he looks at my chart and my medical history and says Okay! Today I walk into his office, explain that having intercourse with my husband hurts and always has. The first thing out of his mouth, "Tell me about your sexual experiences. Were you sexually abused?" Me, "Yes, I was as a teenager." Doc, "You have what is called Vaginismus." My husband said I got the biggest smile and sigh of relief when he said that! 13 years, it took 13 years and 5 doctors to finally diagnose it! I also appreciated that he physically checked to see if there could be something else causing pain and pinpointed exactly where the pain was. He was so helpful. We even discussed if I needed additional counseling since the Vaginismus stems from the sexual abuse. Honestly, I'm 100% fine, with the exception of the Vaginismus. I told him, mentally I'm fine, I just need to figure out how to make my body understand it's okay. He talked about how I need to re-train my brain. Seriously, it was such a great doctors appointment.

Sunday, November 13, 2016


My 3rd spotlight on topics from, Abuse (See link here)

Abuse is the treatment of others or self in a way that causes injury or offense. It harms the mind and the spirit and often injures the body as well. It can cause confusion, doubt, mistrust, and fear. It is a violation of the laws of society and is in total opposition to the teachings of the Savior. The Lord condemns abusive behavior in any form—physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional. Abusive behavior may lead to Church discipline.

Additional Information

Those who have been abusive in any relationship are urged to repent of their sin, to plead with the Lord for forgiveness, and to ask for forgiveness from those who have been harmed. Those who have been abusive should also speak with their bishop or branch president so he can help them through the repentance process and, if necessary, help them receive additional counseling or other assistance. Part of the repentance process may also include accepting whatever penalties are imposed by law.

Victims of abuse should seek help immediately, normally from their bishop or branch president. His first responsibility is to help those who have been abused and to protect those who may be vulnerable to future abuse.

Victims of abuse should be assured that they are not to blame for the harmful behavior of others. They do not need to feel guilt. If they have been a victim of rape or other sexual abuse, whether they have been abused by an acquaintance, a stranger, or even a family member, victims of sexual abuse are not guilty of sexual sin.

Victims of abuse can seek help from their priesthood leader to guide them through the process of emotional healing. Through the blessings of the gospel, victims of abuse can stop the cycle of abuse and be freed from the suffering they have experienced.