Thursday, March 4, 2010

Don't pick at healing wounds

I stopped seeing Aaron exactly 5 years ago. I am glad that I had a good counseling experience prior to that, (and also after it) otherwise I would never of trusted counseling again. Aaron's favorite thing to do was pick at details. I remember feeling uncomfortable about it. Aaron made me feel guilty for not remembering and would try to force memories to come. As I have learned over the years that is the opposite of what a counselor should do.

After I stopped seeing him I was unsure about trying a new counselor.

One night I asked Joy for some advise. I explained to her that I could not remember some of the details of things Jack had done. I was surprised at her response. Why? You don't need to remember them. It is in the past and you do not need to remember everything Jack did to work on your healing.

I already mentioned it a few weeks ago, but it still amazes me the difference in Aaron and James. I was telling James about something Jack would do and he asked, "was he clothed or naked when he would do that?" I thought about it for a second and said, "I don't remember." James told me that was okay, move on with what I was saying. Now Aaron on the other hand, he would pick at it. He would tell me I HAD to remember.

This quote from Richard G. Scott says it all, "I caution you not to participate in two improper therapeutic practices that may cause you more harm than good. They are: Excessive probing into every minute detail of your past experiences...While some discovery is vital to the healing process, the almost morbid probing into details of past acts, long buried and mercifully forgotten, can be shattering. There is no need to pick at healing wounds to open them and cause them to fester... There is another danger. Detailed leading questions that probe your past may unwittingly trigger thoughts that are more imagination or fantasy than reality. They could lead to condemnation of another for acts that were not committed. While likely few in number, I know of cases where such therapy has caused great injustice to the innocent from unwittingly stimulated accusations that were later proven false. Memory, particularly adult memory of childhood experiences, is fallible. Remember, false accusation is also a sin."
Richard G. Scott, “Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse,” Ensign, May 1992, 31

No comments: