Thursday, February 27, 2014

Understand Depression

I've been doing some reflecting over the past few days. I started the depression support group tonight. I'm not sure what to think at first. I was really quiet, just took it all in as much as I could.

I thought about how long have I been depressed? Since I was at least 15. During the group as we were talking about depression after the lose of a loved one I thought, Did it start when I was 7?!

Then I finally came to terms with being "depressed" when I was 19.

I go through these waves of "I'm fine". I pretend or ignore the fact that no matter how fine I am, that depression is still lingering. It's always there. I really should of wrote about my experiences from a few months ago. Now that I'm feeling fine I have forgotten how bad I felt just a few months ago. I remember telling my husband about the experience later on...

It was a few months ago. The depression had be pretty constant for a while, yet I was doing nothing about it. One night I couldn't take it any more. (fyi I'm probably the worst prayer ever, I just don't, especially in public) But that night I hit my knees, bawled my eyes out and poured my heart out to Heavenly Father and told him I couldn't take the depression any more.

Tonight I thought back on that experience and realized, wait a minute, I am fine... How and when did that happen? The depression went away gradually, so gradually that I didn't even notice until now, months later!

I joke with Brad that when I'm at my whits end I just tell Heavenly Father what needs to happen and it happens! Another random fact about me is I have major problems with my menstrual cycles. For 9 years once I started bleeding the only way to get it to stop was to take a medication. Around a year, maybe it was more like 2 I can't keep track, but I was bleeding really badly. I didn't have any medication to make it stop or the money to go to the doctor and get the medication. One night out of desperation I pleaded to Heavenly Father, "You make this stop or you make this worth something like I can finally get a hysterectomy!" I am not kidding, it stopped the next day! Last month the same thing happened, I told him, "You remember our deal? Make it stop or make it worth it!" This time took a few days, but it stopped!

 Understanding Depression

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