There are a lot of thoughts, feelings and ideas going through your mind when dealing with abuse, trauma and other stresses. This week I'm going to spotlight suicide.
I don't remember when dad's verbal abuse started happening. I do remember being in pain a lot younger then I remember. I was 16 at the time. I had been having suicidal thoughts for a while. I don't think I was ever serious about it and I never do anything to even try, but I wanted to. I wanted the pain to end, I wanted it to be over, it was the only way I knew to make the abuse and my pain stop.
It was during that same time I was struggling to keep going day to day, one evening the phone rang, it was my cousin calling for my mom. I took the phone to mom and not too long later I heard her screaming that her brother (her last living sibling) was dead. Obviously no one had seen this coming. The next morning my dad informed me that my uncle has committed suicide. I was shocked to say the least. My uncle was a great man, he was very active in the LDS church, he was on the stake high council, from what I knew about him he was a very laid back, fun loving guy.
After his death I thought more about my life and the situation I was in. At times the abuse and pain seemed unbearable, like it would never end. I realized that I did want to keep going and that life was worth living for. After that I have had only one other time that I had thought about suicide, but I'll leave that for another post.
Just 8 months ago I had another dear, sweet uncle commit suicide. Again, it was shocking and un-for-seen.
I found this great article- http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
No comments:
Post a Comment