6 years ago when I started seeing Joy I felt much like this article-
"A middle-aged woman walked into my office, took a seat and asked, "Is it possible for me to have been a victim of child abuse if I was never beaten or molested? I responded, "yes" and asked why she asked. She described herself as being frequently depressed and unable to feel good about herself. She said that she felt that she did not know who she was, or what her purpose in life was. She said that her parents were good, strict parents and that, in all honesty, she had no right to feel badly about herself. "After all," she added, "worse things have happened to other people."
"I thought that there had to be a reason for her asking her original question even though she insisted that she had a wonderful upbringing. I asked her what her parents' attitude had been like towards her. She said that in her home children were "seen and not heard." She recalled being the "good girl" in the family who always followed the rules. When I asked her what happened if she didn't follow the rules, she said that she never dared rebel but that she often saw her siblings publicly humiliated; they were frequently called "imbecile," "dummy," or "useless." She said that it made her feel afraid, even when she was not the one in trouble. When I asked her what she thought of this tactic, she stated that she knew that her parents did the best that they could. She said that her parents were simply trying to teach all the children the "ways of right and wrong" so that they would grow up to be "disciplined and successful adults." When I asked her if she felt angry about how she and her siblings were treated, she replied, "No, we weren't really allowed to get angry. Anger just makes things worse. Besides, I've always been much too sensitive about things."
"It seemed to me that as the "good girl" she even felt guilty questioning her parents as she spoke to me. She spoke in a polite, soft tone, qualified nearly everything that she said, and reminded me several times about her parents' good intentions. When I gently suggested that it may be beneficial that she try to begin to look more at her past and how it may be keeping her from fulfilling her dreams in the present, she said that she was wrong for having come in and that blaming her parents was an ungrateful and disrespectful act. I explained that the goal of therapy is to understand what happened so that she could be as accepting of herself as she was of others. Therapy is never about blame. It's about understanding, healing and growing."
Invisible Scars: By Dr. Stacy Becker
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